I know it has been over a year since I've been back, but I've had so many things happen to me since I've last been here. Life just has a way of testing me.
I have a new job, and still writing, changed the music I listened to, still go to jazz shows, but the biggest change in my life happened to me this past Wednesday...
I lost my mother to cancer. It's been a tough 72 hours, but I'm surviving. I'm at my mom's house right now typing this. I'll be leaving here tomorrow. It's been nice for me to be alone, with my thoughts and all that I have to think about for my future. Eating has been next to impossible. Sleeping, until last night, was also next to impossible.
I can only take this one minute at a time. It's been 15 years since I lost my dad and I'm taking all I've learned from that to get thru this.
I do hope everyone is doing well.
Till next time,
aka the quiet one.
Absolutely lovely to hear from you Audrey but definitely not under the circumstances. I am so, so sorry for your loss, I truly, I truly am and know exactly what you mean by only being able to take it one minute at a time and even then it can become unbearable but always try and think what your mum and your dad would be wanting you to do and that is to try and smile and remember, when that first one comes at a beautiful memory, to not feel guilt but to look forward to the next smile !!! :)
I lost my mum 14 years ago now next month and a couple of days ago was the start of the end although we didn't know it at that time but at least now the next couple of weeks, Wimbledon, I look forward to instead of dreading which I did for a few years after her death for now I can enjoy remembering the fun my mum and I had of our last two weeks together at home and I know, as you do, eventually the good times will come back and those memories will be so precious and so welcoming and I hope it is not too long before that starts happening for you Audrey although we also know it can take a while. I lost my dad 37 years ago this year and it still feels like yesterday as it still does with my mum but I have to say although I am not a strong believer in all the Bible says, or any of the other "Bibles" of religions, I am a strong believer in something after and that the soul doesn't die and I have felt their nearness and warmth on many occasions and I hope you have the belief that they are with you and when you feel that warmth that you will be able to embrace it and say thanks to them for still being in your life for they always will be; you will never be alone and remember anytime you want to come in on the forum, or privately, please do so Audrey for we are your friends and will always be here for you for as long as we can be.
I always remember a little piece of advice I was given when my mum died and it was for when I was still in the "angry" phase and it was to get a box and kick it round the room and I can well remember, with tears blinding me that I could hardly see the box, kicking it round the room and I'll swear it did help.....sounds mad but I know that was a good piece of advice.
Take care Audrey and please, please remember I'm here for you any time you want to vent or just a need a shoulder, I've got too broad ones going spare, so don't hesitate to use....okay ????
Sylvia. Your wee Scottish friend.
Hi Audrey and welcome back , even if it’s just for a moment. I think the fact that you’re coming on to the forum shows that you probably find some comfort here, either from Michael or your friends and you’re reaching out, so that’s good. My sincere condolences sweetie. I’ve lost both my parents to cancer early on and I know it’s a big blow, whatever your age is. I do hope you have a family or immediate friend support system for daily comfort. Personally, music has always helped me a lot. I hope that your writing will also help process your grief, as you make peace with the loss, to be able to move on to enjoy cherished memories, as soon as it will let you. Audrey, just keep in mind that it is a process and process time varies for everyone, so allow yourself time to heal. Best of luck to you and as Sylvia said, if you need to talk, on the forum or privately, we’re here for you sweetie. Big warm bear hugs, sincerely, Sylvie Qc Canada :D
P.S.: I just remembered something... If I remember correctly, aside from your writing, you also do photography Audrey. Maybe, after the initial fog has lifted, your experience might lead you in a new direction to focus your spirit, I hope so. :D