How have you been?
Well now, I haven't been able to post as much lately.
But there have been some major things happening in my life lately!
I just might like to share and have some input from you all.
Now where to begin?
First off, I have been working at night, at a job that I never thought I'd end up doing! I'm working at a Mobile- 7-11 store. I like it though, lol The place is brand new and in a community that is mostly retirees, but that is Florida for ya.
But this next thing I am going to share, is what I need some help with, from you all...
As some of you know I have been single and raising two boys for 14 years now, and they are ages 18 and 20.
My oldest son was going to colledge here and we both decided that my ex-brother-in law would be able to help him more in his endeavours with work, because of the poor economy here. So he left here in FL and went to CA. He was doing just great, for almost a year and then, my ex-husband reappeared after no contact for 14 years. Wanting to work for his brother. and I don't know how to percieve this. My husband was abusive to my children and myself. He was a compulsive gambler... Now instead of a High Roller so it seems he is a Holy Roller. I know sometimes it does take a great loss to make change in someones life. But why is he now wanting to be a part of my childrens life? They all want me to send my yongest son out to Ca for couple of months to work too. At first he was full of resentment and I could understand why. His older brother is trying to convince him it's ok.
I am totally lost, in that; I only have ever wanted what was best for my children.
I have not had another Man in my life, because they never would allow it to happen, no matter how hard others tried.
Now as I see it, I will be alone. I do have an interest in someone, that I could have a blast with, while my son is gone, and who knows if my son will decide to stay there like his older brother did.
I think this is all about Men making money the best way they can right now, so I guess I will just have to wait and see and learn to let go a little too.
In any event do you thinK, that I should open my heart again? Mind you not to the ex-husband, that won't ever happen.
Thanks for your help...
Kellie
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Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Jennifer Steadman on
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Oh Kellie, what a decision you have to make here.
This is what I think about your Sons Dad being allowed to have some input into their lives.
Your lads are loving and loyal to you and would never want to do anything that might upset you or indeed the relationship that you have.
However, as your lads are old enough to understand and possibly remember fully what went on with their Father and with you and his problems, it might be just as well to offer them the chance to have a connection with their Father even if it is only an e-mail every now and then to start with.
Doing things this way could help them express their inner most feelings about his absence over the past many years and how his treatment of them made them feel at the time and how it makes them feel now. It's always easier to express yourself in text rather than actually saying something outloud to some one face to face or on the phone isnt it.
Perhaps after emailing back and forth for a while, they can then decide fully informed as to how they want to proceed with the next step of their relationship with him, if indeed they do want to continue.
It may be hard with them to build up any relationship with him if they know or remember the full story of why you split in the first place and it wil take them time to learn to trust him again and they may even wonder if he is going to leave them again or become abusive to them again?
When they feel ready to meet him, perhaps they could organsie a few supervised visits so that your ex-brother in law or another adult that you trust and who the boys know, could be present? They can then decide whether they want to continue getting to know their father or not.
I feel very sad that you havent been able to have a relationship with another man, but do honestly understand and appreciate why you would choose this. Now if your boys are going away to work, this could be the chance that you have waited for. You are a Mother, and a damm good one at that and thats why you have always put your childrens needs first.
If you get on well with this 'guy' with whom you say you can 'have a blast' then now is your time to 'have that blast' either with him or with another guy you like.
This is 'your time' now, so Kellie, get on and 'live, live live'.
These are my own personal oppinions, but this is what I would honestly do if I were in the same situation as you and your lads are.
I hope that my open and honest reply will help you Kellie. I hate to think of you feeling so confused like this.
Big hugs,
love Jennifer XXX
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Permalink Reply by sharon on
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Kellie ,You have but your life down for your boys which is what a mother should do and you have been totally unselfish by putting there needs 1st .If they decide that they want to see their father i think you should neither agree or disagree but just tell them that whatever their decision is you will support them as i feel they know his history and so they are old enough to make this decision for themselves ,they can also decide that if it is not working they can walk away from him.In the long run be it good or bad they will will have the decider and you cannot been accused of anything that happens by your ex.
I also think that you have raised your sons and are entitled to have a social life ,you should go out with this guy and see what happens ,your sons may not like it ,after all they have had you totally to themselves for so long but they need to know that you need adult companionship and no matter who comes into your life you will always be their mother and will never be too far when they need you .It will be hard for them to see you with someone but what i would do is if you feel it is going well with this guy drop his name into the conversation with your sons and casually mention you had dinner etc ,get them used to hearing his name and dont force him onto the boys ,hopefully with time they will get used to the idea.I really hope all goes well for you.xx
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Permalink Reply by Dianna Shipman on
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Hi Kellie,
I can admire and respect the fact that you put your life on hold for your children.
Seems your ex-husband has turned a corner and hopefully can see all that he has done wrong.
I personally would probably say let your young Men make up their own minds whether they want to have some contact with your ex-husband it seems your eldest is trying so if your youngest decides he should go and see for himself I would let him BUT I would just want them to know I am right there for them if they should want or need me and show them you support their dicision what ever they decide to do.
They are no longer children Kellie they really are young men and we all have had to make some hard decisions in our lives some don't work out so well and others strive.
As for another man in your life I say Kellie if he is a good man and you feel comfortable with him and he treats you well, go for it.
Enjoy life Kellie you deserve it!
Your young men will see that and come around they will of cause be very protective of you because they have never had to share you before but honestly if the Gentlemen you are speaking of is a good fellow your boys will see this and really all we ever want in life is to be Healthy and Happy.
This is my opinion Kellie but really it is your decision
All the best
Love Dianna xxx
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Permalink Reply by Kellie Brown on
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Hi, sometimes I wish I was.
This has to be one the hardest things probably I will ever have to deal with. but as each day goes by and things unfold, I am greatful for all of your input here.
I have raised my own boys to be very strong, and as some of you know, I have raised many other children out of my home. With problems of their own, and they have turned out to be very well rounded and succesful, Some from broken homes, and others with parents who were adddicts, and a few just got left behind. My doors have always been open. I have been their guide through tough times, and they all love Mamma Dukes. That is what they call me, for whatever reason...LOL
I am not worried so much about my Sons meeting with their Dad, I know they have thier own minds and will take it all in stride. Maybe he has changed for the better. My oldest son called me today from Ca. and is looking forward to his Brother coming within the next two weeks, they will be staying in his Apartment. He assured me that they will have fun. I guess, I just don't want for my ex to give them expectations of a new relationship with them, and then dissapear again. That was a hurt in their life already, that I had to deal with, it wasn't easy for me or them... But if I were Him, I think he should be on the pins and needles!@@ My boys are big enough now to take him!!! LOL Just kidding.
I have told them to be open minded and if they don't like anything, say it!!!
I will always be here for them, and as for me with another relationship, well I think it will take a very understanding individual, I like my freedom and my independance and who I have become, maybe it just has to be Michael!!!
I think he likes independant women, dosen't he? LOL
As you can all see I am trying to make light of this situation.
Thanks to all of you for your insight, I really need it, and the love that I get from here, shines through my darkest hour!
His Girlfriend For Life,
Kellie
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Hey now, did you all forget the topic?
How Have You Been?
This reminds me of something the other day, a customer came in the store and used the restroom, he comes out and says" I been waiting for you for a long time" I looked at him and said what? He says the sign says "All employees must wash hands" hes says, I have been waiting for you to come in and wash my hands! LOL
Too Much Eh?
Kellie
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Ha Ha Ha!! Very funny joke Kellie !!
Well, I've been ok 'ish'. I had a small minor procedure at the hopsital a few weeeks ago and I'm stil lsuffering the after effects from that apart from that, I'm feeling really good considering.
I've been really busy with my book and my crafting. I'm making patched tote bags right now and am selling them for my local breast cancer unit.
I'm also making cards to sell for them too, but I really need to get going on the Michael bits and pieces I keep promising to make to raise money for the UK fan reception.
I've been writing a few short stories and composing some songs too. A friend of mine is going to put them to music. I'm learning the guitar and the clarinet too. I've got sore fingers tips from making the chords on the guitar!! Ha Ha!! I dont mind though.
My lads are all grown up now and I really miss those 'family together days' we used to spend going out to lunch or to the seaside etc I'm looking at doing some voluntary work in the local hospital childrens ward, that would be a great place for my to offload my frustrated 'Motherly instincts and cravings'. Ha Ha!! Those poor poor children eh?
Sending huge love and hugs your way babe,
Jennifer XXXXX
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Hi Kellie,
In answer to your question,
All's well here.
First day of winter over here today a little bit chilly suns out though and it's a beautiful day!
Love Dianna xxx
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Permalink Reply by GLORIA on
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HI JANNICHE! DIANNA LIVES IN AUSTRALIA WHICH IS IN THE SOUTHERN HEMISHERE ( SOUTH OF THE EQUATOR) YOU LIVE IN NORWAY AND I LIVE IN THE USA ( NORTHERN HEMISPHERE--NORTH OF THE EQUATOR) THE SEASONS ARE OPPOSITE OF EACH OTHER WHEN IT IS SUMMER IN THE NORTHERN HEMISPHERE IT IS WINTER IN THE SOUTHERN HEMISPHERE
HERE IS A LINK THAT EXPLAIN IT BETTER:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Southern_Hemisphere
GLORIA
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Hi Janniche our winter starts in June in Australia.
We usually have scorching summers as well and christmas day is always hot hot hot!!!!!!!!!!
I remember about 4 christmas's ago everybody decided they would do there own thing and Bill and I thought fanastic our first christmas with just ourselves and my parents fanastic
32 extra people turned up that year because it was so hot and we are the only ones that have a pool :)
I would love to have a white christmas one day!
So there you go Janniche the old saying is you learn something new everyday and you have learnt today that just as we have different time zone of cause our weather patterns are different as well :)
Take care
Love Dianna xxx
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There are always sharks in the water Janniche this is true BUT I worked in the fishing industry for over 15 years and the reason alot of the attacks occur is the swimmers are swimming near bait fish (bait fish like White bait (some people call them Glassey's because they are almost transparent in the water) Anchovies are another form of bait as well as Pilchards are also another form of bait fish they swim along our coast line at different times of the years both winter and the summer months and when there are schools of small bait fish sharks, dolphins and even whales are usually around to feed off them.
But honestly there really are very few shark attacks here, people can be quite stupid and you should watch and be aware of your surroundings never swim outside the flags when you are swimming and if the flags are not up then it is unsafe to swim.
I love sharks, I love all the water creatures they peek my curiousity and I believe they are in their territory and we should respect that.As long as they don't chase us on land lol ha ha.
It really is a lovely place Australia but I would love to have a white christmas you never know one day!
I would like to go New York with Bill and the girls one year just for christmas I think it would be a fanastic experience.
All the best Janniche
Love Dianna xxx
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Hi Everyone,
Would like to update you a little, on this subject of mine.
But first I really want to say thanks again for all your support in this.
My youngest Son flew out to Ca last Thursday, he wanted his girlfriend to take him to the airport, as I had to work the evening before and that evening. I could have taken him, just fine, but I let the two of them go together. That was hard for me. He has never flown anywhere. So I was wanting to prepare him, for what to expect and he assured me he would be fine. Anyways, he got there just fine, but his Brother called me to let me know, that there were some changes in his flight, so I was freaking out on this end! Matt hated the flight! It was too cramped and he didn't like, not being able to see out the front! LOL
At least he arrived safely right!
Their Father is not there right now. He went to Oregon to help his Mother who needed a fence to surround her property and then back to Utah for a few weeks.
He will be going back to CA though, to visit with the boys. The strangest thing, was that my own Mother called me on Friday and said that she was in CA along with my Grandmother who lives here and all my Aunts had flown to CA for a Veterans Award Ceremony in Honor of my Grandfather, who is no longer living. I knew of this but wasn't sure of the date. So by coincedence, my boys got to meet up with my relatives as well! LOL They are haveing a great time, and I am so happy and wish I was there too in one since.
On the other hand, I am trying to enjoy this newfound space, with no one here! AAhhhh a peaceful moment...HAHA now what do I do with my self? Oh gosh what a strange feeling this is. Well I do have work, and things always to be done around the house. As for that Man, well he hasn't shown much interest, not so much as a knock on the door. So I will keep my eyes open, who knows. Maybe I need to put myself out there a little more.Talk at ya latter!
Kellie
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Juliet,
I do have a dating diaster storie for you though, this just happened recently too, I was working and this younger fellow come in the store a few times and was flirting and heavly made it known to another employee that he was intrested in me. Litlle did he know that this employee thought of him as a total loser for me. I could of not noticed it all taking place at the time, but later an officer came in the store and asked me if this gentleman was causing a problem earlier in any way> I would not have known , it was between the two other men and I had taken it as a compliment in the begining... Later they had to both applogize to me for making fools ot themselves...LOL Still to this day I don't know what it was about???
Men I do understand Some, and Others maybe never, will they ever understand us Women???
Kellie
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